I had a friend ask me ‘so what do you find is your problem finding someone? Do you just bark up the wrong trees…?’ Good question. I think a lot of women fall into the pattern and behavior that I did and when I realized what I was doing, what I was allowing, I could and did stop it.
Not every man I have dated has been a bad person. Most of the time I would allow them to treat me less than I deserved. Not always poorly, but still less. Then after a while it would continue or get worse, until I couldn’t take the hurt anymore that I would end it or explode on the person, making myself look ‘crazy’ (a term I hate and will get into in another post). So why would I keep doing this?
Well, the main reason is that I felt that I would be treated better as he got to know me. That he would all of a sudden realize what he had, appreciate me and all I do for him, and return it back to me. I don’t like asking for love. Who does to be honest?! I wanted my needs to be met by him knowing what I needed because he would pay attention to me and just…know. I wanted him to see what I sacrifice for him and what I give, and not only not take that for granted but appreciate it and give it back in return.
But I would accept being treated less than I deserved. And he would continue to go on as he always did because he was never told not to. Now, most adult men should know how to treat a woman without being told. But a certain degree of responsibility lies on us women to make sure we are treated the right way. If you’re given the ability to do something, and be rewarded for it, why would you stop? Because you know better maybe, but we are talking about men here… 🙂 It’s like being told you can have pizza everyday and then one day you’re fat and sick and you get mad because ‘how did this happen?!’
I wanted, and still want, a man who knows me so well that I won’t have to ask for my needs to be met. That I won’t have to ask him to show me that he loves me. I won’t have to ask him to prove he desires me and only me. But I will never again allow myself to be treated less than I deserve. I will ask for what I need from the other person. Don’t let things bottle up until they explode and I’m left standing in the middle, hurt and ‘crazy’. I will be selfish and expect and demand that I am treated the right way.
I am not a feminist burning my bras and I’m also not going to serve my man and expect nothing in return. I am old fashioned though. And women like me are easily taken advantage of and we easily allow it because it’s our nature to. I love nothing more than taking care of people, making them happy and smile and feel good about themselves. When I’m with a man I want him to know and feel as if he is the only one who matters and that he can do anything with me by his side.
I used to think that ‘the one’ would accept these things about me and take care of me and love me and never take me for granted or take advantage of my nature. And to a point I still believe that. I would make sure I did all I could to do so for him. But I know now that I need to speak up sometimes.
No one is perfect and we all have flaws. Someone, one day, will love those flaws and imperfections and we will build each other up to make each other stronger, as individuals and as a couple.
This is a longer post with the hopes that it gives some insight into who I am as far as relationships go. With the hope that it will help someone else not make the same mistakes I made.