Ghettofabulous Date!!


Before the first date you should disclose a criminal background. Such examples include, but are NOT limited to… ‘I went to jail for trying to shoot someone in the face point blank’…

Ok, time for a story….

(I won’t name names here so I’ll just say ‘him’)

When I met him, he seemed like a normal guy. We messaged for a while, talking about the usual ‘get to know you’ stuff and it sounded like he was family orientated and had goals. He had a decent job in construction and was in the process of buying a home. He spent a lot of time with his nieces and nephews.

He had a wild side that would peak out in our conversations but nothing too crazy. We started talking on the phone rather than messaging, and this was nice because hearing a persons voice I think is important. He sounded like your normal white kid from the suburbs.

We agreed on a first date, and I wanted to make it a group thing, trying to be cautious but fun still. I went to my girlfriends house, where she and her boyfriend and her best friend (another man) were there. I gave him directions and we waited. What happened next was surprising to say the least…

When he showed up he looked great! He smelled good. He came up the driveway smiling, and that’s when it happened. ‘Yo! What’s happenin?!’ Wait…what? From the time he got there to the time he left he talked as if he had been raised in the ghetto. And not just what he said but his voice literally SOUNDED different! It threw me off, and my friends as well, since his look in no way shape or form, matched his voice. And this wasn’t the voice he used on the phone.

But ok. That’s not the worst of it…

We are now sitting around the table in my friends kitchen chatting, having a few drinks, and I was trying to get everyone talking. Now side note…my friend had been dating her boyfriend for only a few months now and he always wore a hat. She had NEVER seen him without it and wondered why. So I pipe up and say ‘hey *****, do you ever go out without your hat? Why do you always wear it?’ Smiling and having a good time he goes to answer and my ‘date’ decides to give his two cents…

’Because he’s bald!!!’ Laughing loudly this guy blurts this out, as if he and this guy were old buddies. Only they weren’t. They had just met. The table went silent. Little did we know this was actually why he wore the hat and was self conscious about it. It was getting more and more awkward by the second so I again open my mouth to smooth the situation…

’Oh my God! Me too!… you don’t think this is my real hair do you?!’ Two seconds go by and everyone busts out laughing 😂 phew!! Oh but it doesn’t stop there…

We then all head outside to have a cigarette and this guy continues to talk about random things and then says ‘yeah…I did some time for shooting a guy point blank in the face. The gun jammed though so I didn’t kill anyone.’ …UM WHAT?!?! He failed to mention this all the time we had been getting to know each other and now he tells me it’s ok because the gun didn’t work?! This person was able to shoot someone in the face, assuming it would work! He makes a few more insulting jokes and I end the night quickly. What the fuck was I thinking?!

Now I don’t know why I attract felons but there must have been something about me back then that I wasn’t aware of. I am now much more aware of signs and I look very deeply into someone before having that first date.

I can laugh about this today because nothing bad happened besides a crazy horrible bad date and it taught me some good lessons. Even if it’s a date set up by a friend, be careful out there. People are very good at hiding who they really are. Still, put yourself out there and get to know people. Be cautious but don’t assume the worst in everyone.

Stay ghettofabulous!!

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