‘My love is unconditional. My trust and respect are not’
Where to begin. I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. I, like many people, have trust issues. If I can’t trust someone, I can’t respect them. This is due to the fact that if you’ve done something to lose my trust, you don’t respect me. Therefore how can I respect you?
‘I want you to trust me.’ I want to trust. If you want me to trust you, you have to respect me. If you put yourself in a position that will cause me not to trust you, that’s on you. You set us up for failure when you start thinking of ways that I would ‘need’ to trust you but know it will be hard for me to do so. Why don’t you instead take yourself out of the situations that would cause a trust issue?
Now I understand that not all situations can be avoided. But most can be. If you want me in your life and I am important to you, stop putting yourself in the way of things that would lose my trust. Maybe it’s just me, but if I know something would upset my better half…I don’t do it! End of discussion. I would rather have one person who I love and respect and want in my life than a bunch of experiences that would push that person away. There is so much more to life.
For example… I use my social media to post my ‘dating tips’. I wanted this blog to be around that as well. Maybe even write a book. Ive seen and been through a lot! But I would ever tell someone I’m dating or want to date that they have to trust me even though, for my ‘dating tips’, I’ll have to talk to other men, that would be completely unfair. Once you start making excuses for poor behavior, it leads to acting on it. If you start a sentence with ‘what you have to understand is’… and follow that up with something that would upset me, you’ve lost me. I will not understand. You’re setting us up for failure before we even start.
Instead of telling me I need to trust you even though you will be surrounding yourself with things that will upset me, try telling me that you won’t do anything to lose my trust. Tell me I have nothing to worry about. Tell me you respect me enough not to put yourself in a situation that would lose my trust. That I am important to you and you won’t do anything to lose me.
Reassuring your partner is wonderful! Backing that reassurance up with actions is even better! And I don’t mean once you have them. If you are in the beginning phase of getting to know someone and you feel you want this person in your life, your actions are very important. Don’t think that just because you aren’t committed yet, that means you can do anything you’d like. Remember… the way a person is treated when you are courting them is the best it should be. It should be the time you are showing them how you will be once you are theirs and they are yours. It is the time to gain trust and respect.
If you don’t respect me from the get go, you never will. And if I can’t trust you from the get go, I never will.
So don’t make the mistake of making excuses for things that haven’t happened yet. Rather make reassurances that those things won’t happen. It’s easier to deal with an issue, because EVERY relationship has issues, as it comes than to have your partner waiting for it to happen because you’ve put the idea in their head. You are guilty of premeditated issues.
If you aren’t ready to prove to someone through your actions that they can trust you, don’t start with them in the first place. You will lose not only their respect, but you will lose them as well. Wait until you are mature enough to have a healthy relationship with trust and respect. They go hand in hand.