So I’ve been trying to think of a fun y dating story for you all and I know I have some doozies! But I haven’t been able to think of a really good one. Have you ever just been in a funk?
I have to say things in my life are going pretty decent at the moment but for some reason I haven’t been able to enjoy it. I dont like being negative. Ive always been really good at focusing on the positive and throwing away the bad stuff.
Take today for example… I had two friends ask me to do something. One was going to a friends house for swimming and a bbq and invited me! Super nice. I was excited. I wouldn’t know anyone besides my one friend but that’s how you meet new people. I cleaned my house a bit and showered and got ready to go out. But when it came time to actually go, I got this overwhelming feeling. I didn’t want to leave my house. I cancelled.
My other friend asked me to grab food and drinks and then back to their place for a movie or hang out outside and relax. Perfect! More laid back. I’m a homebody anyway. But once again, when they got home from work and texted me I froze. I went to the store to grab some drinks and that made me feel a little better. I was out. But then I went home to grab some stuff and it set it again. I cancelled.
Now I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was a teenager. Anxiety is no stranger in my home. But this was different. This has been happening a lot though, not just today. On the weekends my girls are gone I like to relax and sleep and be lazy but I also like to go out and have me time and adult interactions. Most of the time I do. But for the past few months, every so often, I get this feeling and I can’t get myself to go out.
When this happens I overthink. I run continuous scenarios through my mind all day long. If I would go out and have fun I’d be fine but I’m giving myself too much time to think. I need to get out of my head and I can’t always. Then the weekend ends and I’m mad at myself for sitting in all weekend.
I want to have experiences. I want to make new friendships and build on the ones I already have. But I’m in a funk. And I’m going to lose friendships over it. I don’t tell anyone about this either. They don’t know what’s going on and assume, as I would too, that I’m just cancelling and am rude. I don’t like telling people my issues. I’ve tried to approach one person about it but then I stop myself.
I don’t want anyone to see me as weak. I have to be strong. Strong for my girls because they deserve a strong mother to look up to. Strong for my work because I need my job. Strong for my family because I don’t want judging. And strong for him because he has enough going on in his life and he needs someone strong to support him. (I am not dating anyone but there is a special someone I’ve been building with) If I show any weakness my fear is people will see me differently. I want people to look at me and say ‘damn! She’s a strong woman. She can do anything’. That’s who people want to be around. And I need people.
This too shall pass. Have you ever gotten stuck in a funk? What helped you?