In a Funk

So I’ve been trying to think of a fun y dating story for you all and I know I have some doozies! But I haven’t been able to think of a really good one. Have you ever just been in a funk?

I have to say things in my life are going pretty decent at the moment but for some reason I haven’t been able to enjoy it. I dont like being negative. Ive always been really good at focusing on the positive and throwing away the bad stuff.

Take today for example… I had two friends ask me to do something. One was going to a friends house for swimming and a bbq and invited me! Super nice. I was excited. I wouldn’t know anyone besides my one friend but that’s how you meet new people. I cleaned my house a bit and showered and got ready to go out. But when it came time to actually go, I got this overwhelming feeling. I didn’t want to leave my house. I cancelled.

My other friend asked me to grab food and drinks and then back to their place for a movie or hang out outside and relax. Perfect! More laid back. I’m a homebody anyway. But once again, when they got home from work and texted me I froze. I went to the store to grab some drinks and that made me feel a little better. I was out. But then I went home to grab some stuff and it set it again. I cancelled.

Now I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was a teenager. Anxiety is no stranger in my home. But this was different. This has been happening a lot though, not just today. On the weekends my girls are gone I like to relax and sleep and be lazy but I also like to go out and have me time and adult interactions. Most of the time I do. But for the past few months, every so often, I get this feeling and I can’t get myself to go out.

When this happens I overthink. I run continuous scenarios through my mind all day long. If I would go out and have fun I’d be fine but I’m giving myself too much time to think. I need to get out of my head and I can’t always. Then the weekend ends and I’m mad at myself for sitting in all weekend.

I want to have experiences. I want to make new friendships and build on the ones I already have. But I’m in a funk. And I’m going to lose friendships over it. I don’t tell anyone about this either. They don’t know what’s going on and assume, as I would too, that I’m just cancelling and am rude. I don’t like telling people my issues. I’ve tried to approach one person about it but then I stop myself.

I don’t want anyone to see me as weak. I have to be strong. Strong for my girls because they deserve a strong mother to look up to. Strong for my work because I need my job. Strong for my family because I don’t want judging. And strong for him because he has enough going on in his life and he needs someone strong to support him. (I am not dating anyone but there is a special someone I’ve been building with) If I show any weakness my fear is people will see me differently. I want people to look at me and say ‘damn! She’s a strong woman. She can do anything’. That’s who people want to be around. And I need people.

This too shall pass. Have you ever gotten stuck in a funk? What helped you?

4 thoughts on “In a Funk”

  1. I have experienced this feeling my whole life. It is very difficult. When you have anxiety – it’s almost a catch 22 – you get stressed and cancel or you go and feel so anxious you don’t allow yourself to have a good time. The only advice I can give you I think is just be strong for you! It is so hard to not worry about what others think, but perhaps if you can just go to the next party and hang out with the one friend you feel safer than being social with new people. We can’t worry and must stop worrying about what others think and do things for ourselves. that may help you become stronger. By the way – that anxiety is why I have really no friends today.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely agree! My circle is small and they know me well. But I don’t speak up when it happens. You are very right about being a catch 22! There are good days and bad though. Then depression sets in because of what anxiety has caused. I know things will get better but we have to make that happen ourselves. That’s the hard part. But it’s very possible!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m always cancelling on people last minute. I agree to do something and then the day comes and I feel so sick and anxious about doing whatever it is and cancel.
    I’m not the kind of person to worry about what people think though. Recently someone I worked with asked if I was going to a works-do, I told them I wasn’t and he when asked why my reply was simply “I just really dont want to”. I think people understand and I think the guy I work with respected my completely honest answer. I don’t have many friends but the few I do have know why I cancel plans last minute and they know I’ll rearrange when I feel ok.
    I’m slowly getting over it, I’m forcing myself to be more social and I leave the house even when I feel like I’m going to be sick because of it. The more you do it the less daunting it is. Although that is easier said than done, I’ve been working on this being more social business for 6 years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s great that you’re being more social. And it does get easier the more you do it. I don’t care so much that people know I have anxiety, I just dont want them to know to what extent and I don’t like to tell them when it happens. I feel I am burdening them. Might be in my head, might be that I have crappy friends! 🙂 But really, things do get better the more we do. I will get out of my funk, as you will too. It just takes time and it will be in our own time! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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