Leaving

‘The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected…’

I’m sitting in the airport in North Carolina and I really don’t want to be here. The airport that is. I want to stay. There is so much here for me and I know I could do so much good here. This past weekend was simply amazing. Relaxing and trying news foods, new places, meeting new friends.

He took me for a ride on his motorcycle and during that hour and a half I couldn’t imagine being away from him. He is in his element. He’s calm and happy. I get the chance to share this experience with him. The thought that this is the exact reason he didn’t want me before creeps up but I push it back. I’m here. He’s here. We are happy. Even if it’s just for the weekend. I’ll take every moment, every second, I can with him.

It’s not that I can’t live without these moments, but that I don’t want to. We are good together. But everything seems to stand in our way. Every hurdle we climb over, there is another one waiting for us right ahead of it. Yet there are signs. Signs that won’t let me forget who is important to me. His name in random places, books I read of that reference where he is or what he’s doing, pictures that show up out of nowhere.

Laying around talking, enjoying the silence, going out and staying in. We can do it all. I am so proud of him and want him to be proud of me too. I feel I just can’t do enough though. I keep falling short. Why can’t anything be easy. Or easier. He told me nothing good comes easy. And I get that. But shit! We have such a connection and I know I can make him happy. Support him. Take care of him the way he deserves. I need more dim him than he can give but I believe he will get there. He has so much going on, and even though I want to be more than all that to him, I accept that I’m not. And so sitting here, leaving him and this wonderful weekend, I’m ok. I’m sad and upset but I know that when he is ready to put me first we will be unstoppable.

I don’t want to leave but I know we will be back face to face again. The question is when and for how long?

the chairs may be empty for now but I know they won’t be for long…

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