The other side of the Story

I have no quote for this…

In my last post, a hot minute ago, I told of my amazing weekend. And every word was true. But, being human, there is more than one way to feel about it. I posted about an amazing weekend with an amazing person. And that still holds true. Here is the other side to that…

I mentioned not being enough. Not being more than everything else in his life. So while I am incredibly in awe of this person, I have frustrations as well. We all do with the people in our lives. Here’s why…

While I support him and his dreams, I feel like I’m pushed to the back. Everyday. And I know he is busy and certain things take precedence. They should. But a part of me still wants him to put me first sometimes.

For example, here have been days where I’ve had a hard day and just look forward to talking to him before bed. But if he gets a phone call or someone else who needs him, he gives them his undivided attention first. I come last. I don’t tell him my hardships because I know he has a lot going on, but sometimes I just want him to focus on me. (Which he did this weekend) When we do talk I don’t have his undivided attention. He’s online or someone walks up and he talks to them briefly, he always distracted. But when we are together, he says and does things that make me feel like he does find me important. I’m very confused.

I don’t see myself with anyone else but I don’t know if he feels the same way. He is stubborn as all get out. He doesn’t say how he feels. I will reassure him of things on my end but he doesn’t give that feeling of reassurance back. I don’t know if that’s because he just doesn’t think I need it, even though I’ve told him I do, or if there is nothing to reassure. I want to talk to him about it but I don’t want to push either. We went through a time where I would voice all my fears and concerns and he internalized it and it caused issues. I know his past as far as relationships goes has caused him to be a certain way. I try to show him I am different and that he doesn’t need to worry but I know what it’s like to be jaded.

Do I wait and give it more time or do I walk away? Again, when we are together, everything makes sense and we couldn’t be happier. But when we are apart, which is more than not, my mind wanders and I just don’t know.

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